I’ve neglected my blog for quite some time now but with good reason, I’d like to think. I’ve been busy just living life. Living and enjoying life. I’ve started working fulltime which is not the part of my life I’m enjoying but it was a step I needed to take.
It was difficult at first to adjust to this new schedule. It felt like that first month or two of school when the semester just starts up. Where I’m still in vacation mode but my free time is very limited. I got used to having all the time in the world to do with as I pleased. I could take spontaneous trips to wherever for however long. Stay out until the morning and not worry about waking up for work. I could waste away whole days doing nothing at all. At times, I do miss that. But being busy helps me appreciate the time that I do have and the time that I am able to spend with people that I care about. I don’t waste my time as much as I used to. And that is definitely a good thing.
I’m still trying to find a good balance in my life. I’m having to really test my time management skills. I’ve learned that I’m not very good at budgeting my time or money. I set aside a bit too much of both to good time having lol. It’s tough to find that right balance. I’m not home as much as I’d like to be. But I don’t want to take time away from any other sphere in my life (except for work, but I can’t do anything about that).
Today doesn’t really feel like Christmas to me. I mean it’s a Friday and I’m not at work. And my mom is also home and my dad just got home from work. So in that sense, I guess it’s a little out of the ordinary. Holidays aren’t ever big in my house, haven’t been for a while now. When I was in grammar school and even high school, I often spent Christmas and New Year’s Eve with friends and their families since we never did anything. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve really begun to appreciate my family more and more. We may not set up a Christmas tree or decorations, exchange gifts, or do anything “special” but I wouldn’t want to spend this day with anyone else.
My father would give me a hard time for not being home a lot especially while I was in school and I’d come home for breaks. I used to get so stressed from school that when I did have any breaks, I’d want to be out and about with friends. Also, both my parents would be out working. What’s the point of me being home if we’re not even spending time together? I get it now though. I really do. My mom, my brother, and I are all doing our own thing in our respective rooms. And my dad just set up shop in the living room with the TV and his paper. Even though we’re not doing anything together, I like that we’re all here.
It’s nice to not have any plans. It’s nice to have this whole day to myself. It’s allowing me to just think and reflect. I’ve been on the go and I feel like I’ve been playing catch up with myself for a while now. A day like today was very much needed. I have numerous to-do lists that I have yet to tackle. And today and this weekend I will slowly cross a few things off.
It’s strange. I feel like I’m in a state of in between. Even though it’s been 7 months now since I’ve graduated from Rutgers, I feel like I am fresh out of college. I mean I know it really hasn’t been that long but there are things that I need to figure out that I haven’t given much thought to.
Ever since I graduated, I miss that structure that school used to give me. Work has taken its place as I now plan around the hours and days that I’m not working but it’s definitely not the same. And though I feel like I’m in that state of in between, I also feel that things in my life are finally falling into place. There were pieces strewn about but now they’ve gone were they belong. And I’m happy. Like really happy. I’ve recently fallen in love with Kid Cudi’s Soundtrack 2 My Life. I know, I know I’m like mad late on this.
“I’ve got some issues that nobody can see.
And all of these emotions are pourin outta me.
I bring them to the light for you.
It’s only right.
This is the soundtrack to my life…
I am HAPPY, that’s just the saddest lie…”
I felt like I could relate to this. Except, that last line because I am happy and that’s not a lie. I deal with a lot of stuff on my own. But I’ve learned to “bring them to light” to a small handful of people and I think that’s what’s really helped me get to the place where I am. Not denying that I still have issues. Everyone does. But I’m not dwelling on them because that does no one any good.
It’s funny, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and I had said “just my luck”. And he said something along the lines of like “what? good luck?” And I just sat back and thought about it and he was right. Things definitely do work out for me quite often. I definitely can’t give “luck” all the credit though. I’ve had a big hand in most of the good and bad things in my life. I’ve made some mistakes but I will always take accountability for any consequences. And I have been responsible. I’ve not done things that I’ve really wanted to do simply because I knew I shouldn’t. Sometimes I do wish I was a little more irresponsible. I wish I would have been a careless teenager just a little more. But who knows. That could have changed things dramatically. So maybe it was a good thing.
I most certainly have been very fortunate in my life. And I am very, very thankful for that. I’m very thankful for the good things in my life. To have my health. To have my family. To have a job. To have some really really great people in my life. 2009 was a whirlwind of a year. I went through some very low lows and experienced some high highs. But I’m very relieved to be ending on a high note. I’m especially happy to have met a certain someone in my life. Thank you for helping me end 2009 with some really great memories. You’ve got me smiling mad hard.
So goodbye 2009. You were quite the year. You brought little Michaella Grace Nguyen into our lives and I can’t wait to see her grow up.
I look forward to what 2010 has in store for me. I’m ready, so let’s go!!
Happy Holidays and I wish you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous 2010.
Fun Becky Fact: I love wrapping presents. If you got some wrapping to be done, I’m the one for the job! Unless it’s a TON of wrapping. No thanks. And I also love surprises but I can’t help but try to figure it out ahead of time. My friends and I do a secret santa and although I want to be surprised as to who has me and what they got me, I ALWAYS try to figure it out. And I’ve actually ruined some surprises for myself before and it’s like HA! I figured it out. But it’s also like damn, I just ruined my own surprise. lol. I’m silly. I know.
